Single Ladies Want 2 Things

When I talk to my single female clients about what they really really want, it usually boils down to 2 things.

First, we talk about how she wants the power, drive, confidence, and inspiration to attack her daily to-do’s alongside accomplishing her moneymaking and purpose-filled dreams, the dreams she’s been working towards all her life. She wants to wake up happy and ready to go. She wants to change the world and make money. She wants to create and make a difference. Great!

Then, I ask her, “What else do you want?” She gets quiet, a bit shy, and then our eyes meet and I know what she’s going to say. She wants a man. She wants someone to celebrate all these future accomplishments with. She wants someone to cuddle with. She wants someone to take to her new meditation class as well as thanksgiving dinner.  And she doesn’t want any man, she wants a great man. She describes him in detail. Our eyes meet again, we smile, we breathe a little easier. She wants it all and now she’s admitted it.

You are allowed to want it all but you have to be willing to do the work to get it.

So, if these women are turned-on and clear about what they want, what’s stopping them from having the relationship they want? A woman like this usually fears 2 scenarios:

  1. She meets a man who is just alright and invests a bunch of time in a relationship that doesn’t work out. Not only is she alone again but she’s wasted precious time she could have been spending on herself.
  2. She meets an amazing man and is swept up in love la la land while slowly forgetting about her aspirations until she realizes a few years down the road that she’s completely settled for mediocrity.

These women fear wasting time. They fear settling. They fear losing their independence. But they also fear…I’m just going to say it…dying alone. Essentially, they are on a fear seesaw ride that makes them caaarrrrazzzzzy. Plus that f-ing clock is ticking! That’s why they come to me. They don’t want to waste any more time.

Let the work begin! So how in the heck do you get off the seesaw and start walking toward having it all?

  1. Read this statement out loud to yourself: You can have your independence and be in an amazing relationship. Now, write down all your reasons/excuses/fears/beliefs for why this might not be true or might not apply to you. (This works for you ladies already in a relationship too!) Be honest. Don’t edit yourself.
  2. Read your list out loud (or email it to me). What do you notice?

This is where you start. Once you know the convincing excuses and old beliefs that are stopping you, the fireworks will be right around the corner.

So today, celebrate your independence as well as everything else you want. Write your own declaration. Light a sparkler and wave it around. Don’t settle for anything less.

 

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